Señor Fuss 
Lines are getting more blurred between right and wrong that even my heart and soul has a hard time deciding which is true. Bad people being regarded as heroes doing awful decisions. Good people being forced to make blood staining decisions with no forgiveness. When did reality decide the age of walking a straight line was so frowned upon?
I notice some of us like to step into the true cinema lifestyle of being a bad boy or girl. I mean some of us are “Ready to Die.” Don’t matter if we have a good job, a kid or two, endangering family’s’ lives; if we choose not to try and care, then what is truly valuable is thrown away. A bunch of loose cannons with no honor or respect for themselves and those around them. I look at the “Gangsta” persona as today’s version of the cowboy. I don’t know how old you are Reader, but before gangstas, there were cowboys and bandits. And just like my grandfather in his youth wanting to be a gun slinging outlaw on a horse living by his own rules. I see these kids wanting the same spirit, just the embodiment is different. Now gangstas have evolved from looking intimidating to a bunch of walking, tight-jeaned, no gender identifying crayola sets. They my look like Ronald McDonald’s cousins but be sure they will pull out a firearm on you quicker than you can say “Xanax.” And because guns hurt people, history fashionably repeats itself; now we are killing out here for iPhones and hurt feelings.
I mean who doesn’t like some danger in their life; nobody likes to be bored. The real question is why do we like them so much… its because some of us need that mindless entertainment. It’s that adrenaline rush that makes them so addicting. Add love to that mix and you just created a cocktail for a natural mental high that will send you to heaven. Then you wake up and realize hell is actually not too far. I grew up in a town where its nothing short of the definition of “not poppin.” It was like two decades behind the times with a level of racism to match. No attractions, no innovations, no hope. Just a big bubble of: toxicity, slowness, growth inhibiting, heartless, gold digging, no shame having gray colored town near nothing. Makes me want to vomit just talking about it, and yes Reader I have bad blood and history with this town but that’s a story for another day. The point is if you live in a small town that makes you feel like suicide is a possible option from the social lack of, you start to find joy in doing bad things; especially with the young people. Then you realize you have nothing to lose and start doing more bad things to raise the bar of excitement.
Whats right or wrong?… Seriously Reader, I’m literally asking. I feel like the last 10 years have my emotions so numb to the point I can’t tell. Is it depression, tolerance, or maybe I’m just tired? Whatever… like most of the fellas around me would agree that we aren’t trying to starve and die out here. I feel like my daily life schedule is at a constant uncomfortable stress level, most importantly concerning money. As expensive the economy is continuously becoming, while at the same time experiencing the tragic stories from the news and other various adventures of my day; I feel like my feelings are turning into a big callus. Though I go through highs and lows in my emotions, due to life, one thing has always remain constant which is the ever chasing psychosis of having to struggle for that dollar bill. How are some of these feelings induced; what makes a good person break to the other side? What causes the best of us to turn inside out? Pressure… pressure from life, pressure from fear, pressure of death. Elements that bring out the real animal in all of us.
You ever feel like the world is getting a bit tainted. Not saying everyone is perfect, but seems people are a little good and a little evil. People wanting the best from others but that kindness is always exploited. Like as if people have other agendas on there mind, instead of contributing to making the world into a better place. Reminds me of those people out there that start so much shit, but when caught throwing rocks there defense is saying “I was just kidding”… trust me they knew what they were doing. Sometimes when I’m dealing with others, I get this impulse that what others are saying, in some shape or form is just full of shit. I’m one of those guys where I guess its easy to laugh at my misery; but I’m not a comic. I think I’m less funny vs. those that think what I’m saying isn’t real, so they treat it like a Disney movie and laugh at these so called “fantasies” of mine.
With this said it really disturbs the lining of our daily human interactions. Laughing at someone for having certain brands. Having so many lustful interactions but never finding satisfaction for your appetite. Embracing demeaning terminologies as a merit or badge when in reality it causes lower self-esteem. Turning on friends and loyalty for a small ounce of power. I’ve watched enough movies where a criminal without a code is just pure poison to the world. What type of bad are you? You know there is one particular ancient book that talks about certain qualities that can cause a human’s self-destruction. I have a hard time remembering the name… But its like a brick thick size of a book that speak in some strange dialect with lots of cool stories; but no pictures though. Anyway in that book it talks about this thing called the seven deadly sins… and no I am not talking about the anime. These seven sins are what cause dummies to make even dummer decisions; but people be all ignorant about it cause they think it never happens to them. Then you get old and realize it was true and you are an even bigger dummy because you wasted even more time being a dummy instead of following the guidelines to what the book said. In the book’s defense we are all dummies, even myself, until we figure out what this 20 pound book is trying to teach us.
I get it who doesn’t want something nice in the bedroom, a big and shiny toy to play with, people to have unquestionable respect and fear. Now I think I speak for the true and real thugs in the world when I say to get that respect, you have to put in work. I mean get your hands dirty. Do the type of stuff that will: either scar you for life or get a prison sentence to match; if you’re lucky you might get both. I won’t sit here and rant about what you should do Reader, we all walk different roads that lead… somewhere. The real question is where? Is it worth it or just a waste of time? It’s said that time is the most valuable thing we have, slightly more valuable than money; because you need time to build money.
Ever heard of the gut feeling? It helps us figure out whats right and wrong, follow it sometimes. As humans we do have natural instincts to versatile stigmas that act in our personal best interests to you know… survive. Reader, do you ever feel like we are being forced to except something to which you know is obviously bad for you. Then get ridiculed for not being on board with it. That’s why you see some celebrities turn to alcoholism. You think I’m joking, google how many stars have depression.
As a person who is pro-humanity, (which many of you should be) we can’t implode; we should approach life as logical as possible. Fuck the masses and the machine, focus on self- integrity and perseverance. It doesn’t take someone good at math to know the more kids you have the more money you loose. Doesn’t take Dr. Phil to tell you violence doesn’t help with relationships. Doesn’t take a court document to spell out you are accountable for your own actions. Come on people where are your heads at; do the math, the science, and the psychologically if you want to win.
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